Clarisse's Pearl
by InvisiblePrincess2002
Summary: Sequel to Quiet Strength. AU. After receiving a divine warning from the Lord, Queen Clarisse Renaldi knows she has to do things differently than she'd planned, and put more work into her relationship with her granddaughter Mia. But Mia and Clarisse will still face unexpected dangers and challenges along the way, and it might not be wise for Mia to become a princess after all.
1. An Escape Hatch

**Note to readers:** Let's get the obvious out of the way. This story and its predecessor, _Quiet Strength_ , are based on the movies _The Princess Diaries_ and _The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement_ , which as far as I know, are the property of Meg Cabot and Disney. **No infringement is intended.**

Now that I've said that, I want to say thank you to everyone who has supported the previous story to this, _Quiet Strength_ , and thank you to everyone who has supported this story, _Clarisse's Pearl_ , as well. Everyone who has read the first story is already well aware that sensitive subject matter is discussed here. I sincerely apologize for not putting this warning up before now like I admit I should have, but for anyone who may not have read the first chapter of _Clarisse's Pearl_ yet, I want to warn you now that the subject of suicide and methods of going through with it is discussed in detail. The overall story has been rated "T," but if I could rate individual chapters, I would give this chapter a rating of "M" for that reason. I sincerely beg all of you, especially any teenagers and young people who may be reading this, to **please read responsibly. Parental guidance is suggested/recommended.** Thank you.

 **Chapter 1: An Escape Hatch**

It was the twenty-third of May, the beginning of another ordinary day in the life of fifteen-year-old Mia Thermopolis. The second Mia heard her alarm clock go off, she groaned. She remained in bed for several more minutes, naturally reluctant to start yet _another_ painful and difficult day. More often than not, she hardly saw the point.

"Come on, Mia," her mother's voice called. "It's time to get up. Come on."

Mia groaned again as she began to force her way out of bed. A little while later, after getting ready for school, eating breakfast, and taking the trash out for her mom, she met up with her best friend, Lilly Moscovitz, and they started riding to their private school together on their scooters like they always did.

"What's up, Mia?" Lilly asked. "Ready to begin another fight for survival in the teenage jungle called school?"

"Guess so," Mia said quietly, but of course, she was never _really_ ready for it. It was just something she had to endure regardless.

When the girls got to school, Lilly ran off to try to get more students to sign her latest petition to try and make the way the school disposed of its garbage more environmentally friendly, and Mia sat down with a bunch of other students on the short brick fence in front of the school. She then took one of her binders out of her backpack and began looking over her class notes for Mr. O'Connell's class. He frequently gave pop quizzes and she wanted to be sure to be ready for one today just in case.

But in that next moment, her concentration was suddenly interrupted when, _yet again_ , one of the students sat on her.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't see you," he told her, and then he walked away.

 _Am I really_ that _hard to see?_ Mia thought to herself. Of course she made every effort to stay as "invisible" as possible at school, and in life in general, because after traumatic past experiences, being "invisible" felt a whole lot safer. But still, even though she tried as hard as she could to keep from being noticed, she _was_ a human being and _not_ a pane of glass a person could just see right through. Then again, however, perhaps other people didn't see her or notice her because she was really so worthless that she didn't _deserve_ to be seen or noticed by anyone. After all, her own father had never believed she'd even been worth the time or the trouble to have a mere conversation with her. And after what happened to her when she was nine, she had always felt hopelessly dirty inside, and there was nothing, _nothing_ , she could do to make that feeling go away. Perhaps she was as worthless and ugly and dirty inside as she felt, but it still hurt being _reminded_ of those facts by the way she was treated by most of the other students and even by the vice-principal at school every day.

Mia's first few classes were pretty uneventful, which was a nice change. Ordinarily, she would be taunted by Lana, Anna, and Fontana about her frizzy hair or her clumsiness, and their insults would in turn only exacerbate all the pain she was _already_ in. She thought to herself that maybe today would actually be different from most other days.

Then, outside at lunch, it happened. A student tripped her, and naturally, as clumsy as she already was, there was no way she could stop the fall. She went down onto the concrete ground, _hard_ , scraping her knees, hitting her head and face, and splattering her food all over everywhere, including her school uniform. And as if the physical pain to her knees and head from the fall wasn't bad enough, the _emotional_ pain made it all only so much worse.

Lana laughed out loud and yelled, "Well look, everybody! If it isn't Mia Tripopolis, tripping over everything in sight as usual! What a klutz!"

"I guess even with four eyes, you can't see where you're going, huh Mia?" said Anna.

"You know Mia, I must really compliment you on your taste in accessories. Getting vegetables and salad dressing all over your uniform really makes a statement!" Fontana taunted, and then laughed, along with Lana, Anna, and the entire rest of the school.

This time, Mia was so hurt and depressed that she didn't even care about the tray and the splattered food, and she didn't bother to pick everything up. Instead, she just got up and ran off to the girls' restroom and locked herself in one of the stalls.

Mia had been in _agonizing_ pain for almost half her life now, ever since that tragic night when she was attacked at age nine, and she'd had it. She'd _really had it._ Helen had fallen down off a ladder years ago when she'd been helping arrange some artwork at the local art gallery that often showcased her work, and she'd actually broken two ribs when it happened. Understandably, the pain from the broken ribs had kept her up at night, and her doctor, an older man in his sixties, had actually prescribed some rather strong barbiturates to help her sleep. Helen had taken one or two, but had never taken the rest that were in the bottle, and she'd actually forgotten all about that bottle of pills and left it in the medicine cabinet of their bathroom. One time last year when Mia's ongoing depression got really severe, _so_ severe in fact that she was seriously contemplating suicide, she researched it on the Internet and learned that taking barbiturates was a very effective way to commit suicide because they acted quickly, so she took her mother's old bottle of pills and kept them in her backpack. And today in the bathroom stall, she opened up her backpack and took out the bottle of pills and just stared at it for a couple of minutes. It was her way out in case things got so intolerable that she just couldn't take it anymore.

"Mia!" Lilly's voice called out, and it stunned Mia so that she accidentally dropped the bottle of pills, and it rolled out from under the stall before she could get to it and pick it up. "Mia, I know you're in here," Lilly's voice called. "I know about what happened in the cafeteria. Are you okay?" Lilly hadn't gone out to lunch until after the whole incident was over.

Then Lilly looked down on the floor and saw the bottle of pills and picked them up. Lilly's father was actually a doctor, so she knew a lot more about medical matters than many kids her age would, and when she read the label on the battle, she knew it was Mia's mother's barbiturates.

Mia opened the bathroom stall and walked out, and then she asked Lilly, "May I have those back, please?"

"Mia, _what_ are you doing with your mother's barbiturates?" Lilly asked, her gaze piercing into Mia's eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it. Just give me back the bottle."

"Mia, _what_ is going on? I know you, and I know there's something weird going on, here. Something you're not telling me about."

"And it's something _I don't want_ to tell you or _anybody_ about. Just give me the pills back and leave me alone."

"No!" Lilly cried out, and then she stuffed the bottle of pills into her own backpack. "You're not getting these back until you talk to me. After school, you're coming home with me. Michael's got rehearsal with his band and Mom and Dad are working late tonight, so nobody will be at home and we'll be able to talk alone."

"Lilly!" Mia cried out, but Lilly wouldn't say a word in response as she walked out the bathroom door. After the door closed behind her, Mia let out an angry, frustrated sigh.

That afternoon after school, Lilly practically _dragged_ Mia back to her house, and at about three-thirty, the girls were sitting together on Lilly's living room couch. Lilly's house was a two-story home with stairs leading up to the second floor in the foyer, and the floors of the foyer and living room were a beautiful mahogany and the walls were an eggshell while, and the floors of both rooms were adorned with beautiful expensive rugs and the walls of the foyer and living room were adorned with equally beautiful and expensive paintings, and with plenty of family pictures as well. The couch and two matching living chairs across from it were black, and the glass coffee table and matching glass end tables on either side of the couch were perfectly spotless, without a speck of dust in sight. There was also a big screen TV and fireplace in the living room as well, and it was _exactly_ the kind of home one would expect a married doctor and lawyer to have. It was expensive and immaculate.

"Alright, Mia. Spill it," Lilly commanded, which made Mia even _more_ nervous. There were things from her past that she _just couldn't_ bring herself to discuss with anyone, not even her best friend. It wasn't something she could just "spill" to Lilly at the drop of a hat.

"Lilly," Mia sighed, "there are some things in my life that are just…too hard to talk about. Too hard to explain."

" _You have to_ ," Lilly insisted. "I know you, Mia. You're not a druggie. But you wouldn't have stolen your mother's old bottle of pills unless you planned to actually _take them_. And how did your mother end up getting her hands on barbiturates anyway?"

"You remember when she had that bad fall and broke two of her ribs?"

"Oh, yeah."

"The doctor gave her those to help her sleep because she was having a lot of trouble getting to sleep at night due to the pain. She only took one or two. She never took the rest, and she forgot completely about the bottle."

"So what are _you_ doing with it now?"

"I'm not doing _anything_ with it, Lilly," Mia snapped. She _really_ hated being forced into this confrontation by Lilly. Lilly could be _so_ forceful and stubborn sometimes, and she wasn't always as understanding and supportive as Mia needed her to be, either. "It just gives me some comfort to have it around sometimes because it's like…a kind of escape hatch."

"An escape hatch? What do you mean?"

Mia let out a big, frustrated sigh, and then replied, "Lilly, there are some things in my life, in my past, that are just too hard to open up and talk about. But if you _must_ know, inside, I'm in a whole lot of pain every day of my life because of some of the things that have happened to me that nobody knows about. And on top of that, even though you know I don't like to talk about it very much, you know how much it's hurt me never having my father in my life. And now, he's dead and gone and I never will have a father of my own, and that makes all the pain I'm already in so much worse. And _then_ there's the fact that people are always sitting on me and making fun of me and bullying me in school. It's like no matter _what_ I do, the pain just _constantly_ gets worse and worse. And sometimes, I just like to take out that bottle of pills and look at it and remind myself that if the pain ever gets to be more than I can take, I have that escape hatch there. A way out."

" _Are you kidding me?!_ " Lilly yelled. "Suicide's not a way out! It's nothing but pure selfishness! What about me?! What about your mom?! Your poor mom would be all alone in the world if you weren't there! Didn't you even _once_ think about that?!"

Lilly really was a kindhearted, compassionate person deep down, but she was _never_ very tactful, and she was not usually a very sensitive kind of person, either. She typically just blurted out the first thing that popped into her head, _without thinking_ about the kind of impact her words _really_ had on the people around her sometimes. Lilly _was_ a good person, but unfortunately, sometimes her hotheadedness really did make her a bit of a jerk, and _nobody_ knew that better than her best friend did because Mia had put up with this side of Lilly for years. Lilly hadn't _meant_ to add to Mia's pain, but the cold, hard fact of the matter was, Lilly's mean words, accusing her of being selfish, were words that were going to replay over and over again in Mia's mind from now on and cause her even _more_ pain and make her overall self-esteem even _lower_ than it already was!

And in the past, whenever Lilly had just spat out mean, harsh words at her in the heat of the moment, she had merely taken it and said nothing, although there were a few rare occasions where Mia got enough of Lilly's attitude and really let her have it in return. And now happened to be one of those times. After everything Mia had already been through today, hearing Lilly's mean response was just simply the last straw. Enough was enough.

" _I am not selfish!_ " Mia cried out. "And frankly, _I am sick and tired_ of people trying to use that argument on other people who are struggling with suicidal depression! It's a tired old argument and it's a really mean-spirited, rotten thing to do to people who are in _so much pain_ already! People ought to have enough decency not to kick a person when they're _that_ badly down! Insulting a person who's suicidal? Oh, yeah! That's _always_ a really good idea, Lilly!

"Let me tell you something. If a person had cancer and was in _constant agony_ and wanted to end his life, _you would not_ accuse him of being selfish and insult him. You would treat him with compassion and respect because you would understand that _he is in agony._ So what makes what I'm going through any different? What makes emotional agony any different from physical agony? If a person were dying of cancer and wanted to let nature take its course, but his family wouldn't let him have his wish because they didn't want to lose him, _who_ would be selfish? The cancer patient, or his family? _His family._ And I say the same thing to your insulting, 'I'm being selfish' argument. _I am in constant agony all the time and I am sick of it_ , and I just want the pain to stop, and I say it's not _me_ who's selfish, but you and Mom for wanting to keep me in all this _agony_ just so the two of you wouldn't have to go through a little pain yourselves!"

And with that, Mia jumped up off the couch and started stomping outside. Lilly got up then and followed after her, and called, "Mia, wait! Mia! Just wait a minute. Please." Mia was almost out the door when Lilly stopped her.

" _What?!_ " Mia snapped.

"Mia, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. You're right. I was out of line just now. You know me. Whenever I get really hurt or really scared, I lash out. I lashed out at you just now because I got so scared when you told me that you were thinking of suicide. You're my best friend. You're practically like the sister I never had and…I don't want to lose you. And the thought of you committing suicide really terrifies me. Mia…I always knew that you struggled with depression. I always knew how badly it hurt you never hearing from your father. But…I never knew it was that bad. I had no idea. Is there anything I can do?"

"You can give me my pills back."

"Yeah, but…I don't want to help you kill yourself."

Mia locked her eyes with Lilly's in that moment and asked, "Do you want me to be stuck in all this agony?"

"No, of course not. But what about your faith? It was always because of you that I knew that not all Christians were legalistic Bible-thumpers. It was thanks to your example that I came to believe in Christ myself. What do you honestly believe the Lord is going to say to you when you're standing in front of Him after having committed suicide?"

"I don't imagine He'll be too thrilled about it, but if He was compassionate enough to sacrifice His only begotten Son to save humanity from hell, _surely_ He can be compassionate and understanding towards me when it comes to what I'm going through."

"Mia, maybe if you just hold on long enough, things will get better."

Lilly couldn't help but notice it then that Mia's eyes actually looked _exhausted_ as she said, "I've _been_ holding on for _years_ , Lilly. And things _never_ get better. They only get worse."

"Do you think it would help if you spoke to Mrs. Houston about it?" Mrs. Houston was the school counselor.

" _Her?! Puh-leeze!_ I tried talking to her once and she made me feel _worse_ , not better."

"Yeah, you're right. I talked to her one time too and she made me so mad, I almost punched her out. She's obviously a real quack. Bad idea."

"Anyway, Lilly, I've had those pills with me for ages now, and I've never taken them. I just want them on standby unless the pain gets too bad for me to tolerate. Then I'll have a way to make it stop."

"If it ever gets that bad, will you call me first before you take the pills?"

"Yeah," Mia agreed.

Not knowing what else to do, Lilly simply sighed and handed Mia the pills, even though deep down she _knew_ she shouldn't. Lilly knew that some people only pretended to be suicidal when in fact, they were simply being overdramatic and using threats of suicide as a ploy to get attention, but she _also_ knew, just by looking into her best friend's eyes, that Mia was _not_ one of those people. She knew Mia had _really meant it_ when she'd told her she was in agony inside. Of course Lilly had known all along that Mia was always in a good deal of pain emotionally, largely because of her father's absence from her life and all the psychological damage that had caused, but she had never realized before now just how bad the pain actually was. And being a young teenager, Lilly simply didn't have the maturity or the life experience to be able to figure out more constructive ways of helping to ease the pain Mia was in. The _last_ thing she wanted was to help her best friend kill herself, but at the same time, she also didn't want Mia to suffer, either. If Mia really was in _that_ much pain inside, then Lilly knew it would be cruel to try and take her "escape hatch" away from her.

Mia stayed at Lilly's and talked with her for about another hour before she finally went home. And the first thing that happened when she came walking into the kitchen and ran into her mother was really the _last_ thing she needed to happen that day.

"Mia, _when_ are you going to open this letter from your grandmother?"

Mia loved her mom, of course, but today, she wanted to _scream_ at her. She had already been through _so_ much today because of the incident at lunch, then the draining conversation at Lilly's. _Then_ just before leaving Lilly's house, she had to get on the phone to her boss and beg her forgiveness for missing work that afternoon and fight to keep her job, which had been _another_ draining experience. _Now_ , her mom, who knew _nothing_ of what she was going through, was choosing _this_ particular moment in time to nag at her and get on her case for not reading some dumb letter she'd received in the mail several days ago from her only living grandparent, her father's mother, Clarisse Renaldi, who lived in the tiny European country of Genovia.

Mia had overheard her mother talking to one of her closest friends on the telephone several years ago about how Clarisse Renaldi had practically _hated_ her mother right from the start and how hard she had pushed her son, Mia's father Philippe, to get a divorce from her all through their marriage. Mia's mom, Helen Thermopolis, had told Mia in later conversations that Clarisse had had nothing to do with their divorce and that she and her father had decided to break up with each other on their own, but Mia knew it was nothing but a load of bull. She was no fool. She had seen the way her mother always teared up as she stared at pictures of Philippe in her photo album when she thought no one was looking. She'd always noticed the wistful look in her eyes whenever she merely mentioned Philippe's name over the years. Mia had always known that her parents had truly been in love and had truly belonged together, and that it had been her grandmother who had pushed her father into breaking up with her mother. She knew it had been her grandmother's fault that she'd had to grow up without a father in her life. She _also_ knew that her grandmother had never _once_ bothered to contact or communicate with her in _any_ way until now, and she was sure she knew why she hadn't heard from her in so long: because she had honestly never cared about her. And Mia was _not about_ to have anything to do with this rotten woman who had _never_ loved her and was even _responsible_ for her never having a father in her life in the first place.

"Look, Mom, you know I love you, but I am _really_ not in the mood to go through all this with you again. Not today. I've had a hard enough day as it is. Please, _please_ don't make it even worse by nagging at me to read that stupid letter that I don't want to read!"

"I know how you feel about this, Mia. I know you're angry at your grandmother and I know you don't want to read her letter. But she's _family_ , Mia."

 _Family?_ Ha! Yeah, right! _How dare_ she make that argument?! " _Family_ , Mom?! _Family?!_ What kind of _family_ ignores you for almost sixteen years?! That woman doesn't care anything about me!"

" _That woman_ is your grandmother."

"What are you saying? That because she's my grandmother, she has the right to ignore me and treat me like I don't even exist?! I may be young, Mom, but that _does not_ give Clarisse Renaldi or _anyone_ the right to treat me like dirt!" Mia yelled, and then she angrily took the letter off the kitchen counter and threw it into the waste basket. Afterwards, she even _more_ angrily darted up the stairs into her room and slammed the door shut.

In that moment, Helen let out a long sigh. Mia had said she'd had a rough day, so Helen now berated herself for pushing the issue with her teenage daughter. She knew she should have waited until Mia was in a better mood before broaching the subject with her. Helen _did_ know how hard it had been on Mia all her life never having her father around, and even though Philippe had sent Mia very lovely birthday presents every year and had paid for her to go to a private school, Helen knew it was still a poor substitute for actually having her father in her life. Sadly, Mia had good reason to be angry at her grandmother. Until that letter came in the mail a few days ago, Mia had never once heard from her before. From Mia's perspective, it was quite understandable that it would appear as though her grandmother were nothing but this rotten, cold-hearted, unloving snob who had never cared about her. As far as Mia had always known, it had been her grandmother's choice to have nothing at all to do with her, and Helen was not unaware of the fact that that had caused her daughter a lot of pain through the years.

But what _Mia_ was unaware of was the fact that it had largely been _Helen's_ decision for her father and her grandparents to have no contact with her throughout her childhood. Mia's father had not just been Philippe Renaldi. He had been His Royal Highness Eduard Christoff Philippe Gerard Renaldi, Prince of Genovia. Philippe and Helen had met and fallen in love in college, and had eloped right after they graduated, and eleven months later, their daughter, Her Royal Highness Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi, Princess of Genovia, was born. Philippe's older brother Pierre had been the Crown Prince of Genovia at the time, and although Philippe had hoped so hard that his brother wouldn't eventually renounce his royal title to become a priest like he'd claimed he would for a long time, to Philippe's dismay, he did. That forced Philippe to choose between his wife and daughter, or his country. As far as anyone knew, the von Trokens were next in line for the Genovian throne after King Rupert and Queen Clarisse, and it would have spelled disaster for Genovia had they ascended the throne because they were not caring nor capable leaders. And Helen had made it clear from the start that she _did not_ want to live the life of a Genovian royal, nor did she want that life for her child as she was growing up. Helen wanted to stay in San Francisco, pursue her art career, and give her daughter a normal, happy childhood, _away_ from the press. It had been a heartbreaking decision, but in the end, Philippe Renaldi chose his country over his child and wife, and he and Helen had gotten a quickie divorce, and he had moved back to Genovia and taken over his brother's role as crown prince when Mia was still just a baby. And because Helen hadn't wanted Mia to know the truth about her royal heritage until she was eighteen, she'd asked Philippe and Mia's grandparents, King Rupert and Queen Clarisse, not to have any contact with her until then, and they'd agreed.

And Helen hadn't spoken to Queen Clarisse Renaldi in fifteen years, so even though she'd been expecting to hear from her after Philippe's sudden, tragic death in a car accident over two months ago, so that they could discuss what to do about Mia, it had still caught her a bit off guard to suddenly hear her voice over the phone nine days ago. Naturally, Helen expressed her deepest condolences over the loss of her son, and then she and Clarisse had a long talk about Mia. Clarisse hadn't gone into great detail, but she had basically given Helen an overview of the situation back in her country. The von Trokens were still (supposedly) next in line for the crown, and with the sudden, untimely death of the Crown Prince of Genovia, her claim to the throne was considered by many to be a weak claim at best, and her political opponents were circling like vultures. Clarisse had made it quite clear to Helen that the best way for her to stay on the throne and Genovia to remain in good hands would be for Mia, the legal heir and the _only_ Renaldi heir to the throne, to officially accept her title and be crowned Princess of Genovia.

However, she _also_ made _other_ things clear. Somehow, she seemed to be acutely aware of the fact that her absence and Philippe's absence from Mia's life had caused her a _great_ amount of pain, and she seemed to be just _filled_ with regret over it. Perhaps it might be better for Genovia politically for Clarisse to come back into Mia's life now and start trying to get her ready to become a princess, but she seemed to have a deep, instinctive understanding that that would _not_ be better for Mia psychologically. Somehow, Clarisse really did seem to understand that _a lot_ of damage had been done to Mia inside, growing up without a father and all, and she seemed far more interested in helping repair that damage first _long_ before she started dealing with the issue of whether or not Mia chose to accept her title. Clarisse assured Helen that Prime Minister Sebastian Motaz was one of her strongest political allies and that he'd already agreed to do everything within his power to help her stay on the throne for as long as possible, as had all her other many allies within the Genovian Parliament.

Clarisse also did some _incredibly_ unexpected things. First, she actually _apologized_ to Helen and _admitted_ it to her that she'd been very unfair and insulting to her all throughout her marriage to Philippe. It was true, of course. It was just simply one of those things that no one ever dared to talk about before. Neither Clarisse nor Rupert had been very happy when their son had married a local artist from San Francisco. They'd always planned for Philippe to get married to a princess or some other lady of nobility and _certainly not_ to an American commoner, and all during their marriage, they hadn't hesitated to let their son know that they did _not_ approve of Helen, and they even tried to intimidate him into divorcing her. Because of all the scheming and attempts to steal the crown Clarisse and Rupert had endured from others through the years, they'd become very cynical, and they'd believed all along that Helen Thermopolis was just a gold digger who was after their son's wealth and title. It wasn't until after the divorce that they finally realized the truth, that Helen really had married Philippe for love and _not_ for his money or his title. Clarisse had never really come right out and admitted the truth to Helen before, but during their phone conversation, she _did_ admit the truth. She held nothing back. She even went so far as to admit that she and Rupert were probably a big part of the reason why Philippe decided to divorce her in the end, and she apologized for that as well.

She also asked Helen's permission to begin contacting Mia. She explained that she didn't feel it was right for her to just suddenly burst on the scene and start trying to convince Mia to change her entire life and become a princess all at once. She said that she understood that she needed to start being Mia's grandmother first and the Queen of Genovia second, and she said that she felt it was best if she worked on repairing the damage that had been done to her relationship with Mia long before she told her the whole truth about her identity. She said that she wanted to write Mia at first and wait for Mia to let her know when she felt ready for them to meet face to face, and she even asked Helen about the possibility of staying with her at her refurbished firehouse rather than at the Genovian consulate when the time came for her to visit Mia and spend time with her in person. Naturally, Helen agreed to the idea, and in fact, she really did believe it was a good one.

When their long phone conversation ended that day, Helen really had been shocked. The woman she'd spoken to on the phone was practically the exact polar opposite of the rather cold, hard-to-please lady she'd met fifteen years ago who had in fact played a big role in hers and Philippe's divorce. This was a person whose love and concern for Mia she could just _feel_ through the phone. It was amazing.

Helen now knew that the fate of an entire country depended upon what happened in this relationship between grandmother and granddaughter. Clarisse had taken the first step. She'd written to Mia, expressing her regret over the pain her absence caused her and tried to establish contact with her. But there was a wall of hurt and anger built up around Mia's heart now that was practically as huge as the Great Wall of China, and Helen knew as she bent down and retrieved the envelope from the waste basket containing Clarisse's letter that _somehow_ , she had to break through it. Now it was _Mia_ who needed to take the next step and open that envelope, and she sure didn't want to. Not tonight.

It wasn't until that Saturday morning that Helen dared to bring up the subject with Mia again. This time, she seemed to be in a somewhat better mood, although Helen had noticed that she'd been even more depressed than usual throughout the week. Helen had gone up to Mia's room after they'd had breakfast together. It was now about eleven o'clock. (Mia often preferred to sleep in on the weekends.)

"Sweetheart, there's something I'd like to discuss with you," Helen said after she came in.

"What's up, Mom?" she asked.

"I want to talk to you about your grandmother's letter."

"There's nothing to talk about. I threw that away days ago, remember?"

"Oh yes, I remember. But I got it out of the waste basket. I still have it." The instant Helen told her that, Mia let out an angry sigh. "Mia, please, just listen to me. I know you're hurt, and I know you're angry. I know it's been hard on you not having your father and your grandparents in your life."

" _Hard on me? Hard?_ Mom, _hard_ doesn't even _begin_ to cover it."

To put it mildly, Helen Thermopolis _did not_ handle confrontation well. She didn't handle hard, painful situations well _at all, period._ More often than not, she shied away from discussing painful issues, from being _real_ with her daughter about things, and right now, she wanted to get out of Mia's room – and away from this conversation – just as fast as she could. But she knew she didn't have the luxury of doing that now. Whether she liked it or not, she simply _had_ to have this discussion with her daughter.

"I know you're in a lot of pain. I know the decision for your father and your grandparents to not contact you has really hurt you, and I am _so_ sorry for that," Helen said as Mia folded her arms across her chest. "But Mia, even though it's hard and even though you're angry, please, just open the envelope and see what your grandmother has to say. Do it for me, honey. Please," Helen said, and then she pulled the folded envelope out of the pocket of her jeans and handed it to Mia.

Once again, Mia let out another frustrated sigh, and then, knowing she wouldn't get a moment's peace from her mother until she finally read that stupid letter, she opened the envelope.

"I'll give you some privacy," Helen told her, and then she left.

After Mia took the letter out of the envelope, she _reluctantly_ began to read it. It said:

 _My Dear Mia,_

 _I realize that your father, your grandfather, and I must have really hurt you by never contacting you before now, and I want you to know that I am very sorry for the pain we caused you. I know I really hurt you by never being there, but I want to be in your life now. If it's alright with you, I'd really like us to spend some time together and get to know each other. I want to start making up for all the time I wasn't there before, if I can. However, I will not call you, write to you, or try to meet you unless you tell me that it's okay. I can understand it if you feel too hurt and angry to communicate with me now. Just know that if and when you ever feel ready to begin a relationship with me, I'll be right here waiting. If you decide that you want us to get to know each other first before we meet face to face, we can talk to each other on the phone or write letters to each other as much as you want to. It's all up to you._

 _With all my love,_

 _Clarisse (Or Grandma, whichever you feel most comfortable with)_

After Mia read that letter, to put it mildly, she was _so_ confused! She was still angry at her grandmother for causing her parents' divorce and for never having anything to do with her until now. As far as Mia was concerned, it was still mostly Clarisse Renaldi's fault that she'd never had a father in her life. She'd been so convinced all along that her grandmother was nothing but a rotten, uncaring snob who couldn't care less about her.

But yet, the woman who'd written her that letter certainly _seemed_ to care a great deal. She really seemed to be sorry for all the pain she'd caused her. And on top of that, she _had_ just lost a child. Mia was not deaf to the voice of her own conscience. Deep down, _she knew_ the right thing to do would be to respond; to give her long-lost grandmother a chance to put things right in their relationship.

But Clarisse Renaldi wasn't the only one of them in pain. Mia had _never once_ even had _a single conversation_ with her own father, and now, she never would be able to in this life, so Clarisse wasn't the only one who'd suffered a great loss. Mia was also _constantly_ battling severe depression, sometimes _suicidal_ depression, as well as continuous bullying and emotional abuse at school. Because of the harrowing experience she'd suffered at age nine, she always felt _hopelessly_ dirty, and it was a feeling she just simply couldn't get rid of. And frankly, she did _not_ need to go through the roller coaster ride of emotions that that letter evoked in her. She was going through quite enough already inside _without_ her grandmother's help.

Saying nothing, Mia simply refolded the letter and put it back inside the envelope and put it in her desk drawer just before she walked out of her room.


	2. Turning Point

**Note to readers:** I realize it's been quite a while since I've posted in this fandom and I apologize for that. Unfortunately, sometimes life gets in the way. Things continue to be unpredictable for me, so I can't make any promises about when I'll be able to post another chapter of _Clarisse's Pearl_ or _Cherished_. All I can say is, life is crazy and I'll post what I can, when I can. I sincerely thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for your support. I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

 **Chapter 2: Turning Point**

Clarisse Renaldi tossed and turned relentlessly in her sleep as she was pursued by one painful dream after another. Shortly after she went to bed the night before, the twenty-ninth of May, she started dreaming about the moment in her prophetic vision from the Lord when her mind was allowed to experience everything her granddaughter Mia had gone through over the years. In her first dream, she vividly recalled the secret hell Mia went through that harrowing night when she was only nine years-old. In the next dream, she remembered the heartbreaking toll it took on Mia inside being essentially abandoned by her father throughout her life and enduring all the verbal and emotional abuse from others in school. In the final dream, the most painful one of all, she even more vividly recalled all the hurt and anger Mia had felt towards her when she first came back into her life in the other timeline. After that dream finally ended, Clarisse awoke with a start at four o'clock the next morning, and knowing perfectly well that she'd never be able to get back to sleep, she put on her slippers and her periwinkle silk robe (which matched the pajamas she was wearing) and decided to go for a little walk through the palace garden.

Before receiving the vision, Clarisse had only been able to see things from her own perspective. She'd only been able to see her own pain and heartache at losing her son, and she'd only been able to see her own fears and worries about Genovia. She hadn't been able to understand just what it had actually done to Mia inside never having her father in her life, and she'd certainly had no clue about all the other ways in which her young granddaughter had suffered. And before the vision, she'd had no idea that handling things the way she'd planned – suddenly bursting on the scene after fifteen years and basically guilt-tripping Mia into accepting her royal title – would make her feel like she was nothing more than an object, a pawn to be used in her grandmother's political agenda. Clarisse had never _meant_ to act that way in the vision of the future God had shown her, of course, but the cold, hard fact remained that that was how she _had_ acted. Letting her only grandchild know how much she had cared about her and had missed her all these years had been surprisingly low on her list of priorities. Without even realizing it, right from the very beginning, Clarisse had taken the attitude with Mia that if Mia didn't change her appearance and stop being clumsy and learn how to be the perfectly proper royal princess, she wouldn't love her; that simply being herself wasn't enough. Again, Clarisse had never _meant_ to make Mia feel that way; she'd simply been so worried about the future of her country that she hadn't been able to see beyond that. But thanks to Christ's mercy, making her aware of it all before she came back into her granddaughter's life, she knew better now, and as Clarisse came down the stairs and headed towards the back garden outside, she promised herself that she would _not_ make the same mistakes this time.

Clarisse was almost out the door when her thoughts were suddenly jarred back into the present. Her mind had been completely on Mia and the dreams she'd had about her all night and she hadn't been watching where she was going when out of the blue, she practically smashed into Joseph, also in his black pajamas, robe, and slippers, nearly causing him to spill the cup of coffee he had in his hand. In that moment, as Clarisse looked up into her fiancé's face, the grandmother actually blushed like a young girl.

"Oh, Joseph, I'm terribly sorry," she said as the queen immediately took over and she regained her composure, but of course, Joseph saw it when the sweet, innocent young girl inside her came out, if only for a split second. "I'm afraid I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. Are you alright?"

In that brief instant, Joseph also forgot himself and he didn't answer her as the Royal Head of Security and a subject addressing his Queen, but rather, as the young man in love that he usually kept well-hidden inside him. He gave her the warmest smile and locked his eyes with hers and told her, "I'm fine, my dear." Clarisse then saw that young man in Joseph just as he'd seen the young girl in her a few moments ago, and she couldn't help but smile. A second later, Joseph cleared his throat, and the Royal Head of Security took over as he said, "The fault was entirely my own, Your Majesty. I apologize."

Clarisse shook her head and responded, "Nonsense, Joseph. You have nothing to apologize for. I'm just grateful I didn't cause you to spill your coffee and burn yourself."

"You don't need to worry about me, Your Majesty. I'm a big boy," Joseph said, sounding like the typical royal bodyguard, but Clarisse could clearly see all his love for her in those deep blue eyes of his that were gazing down at her.

"Well anyway, I'm sorry I crashed into you."

Joseph shook his head with a smile and said, "You have nothing to be sorry about." A short, silent moment passed between them and then Joseph asked, "Are you having trouble sleeping?"

"Let's just say I haven't exactly had a restful, dreamless sleep tonight."

"Bad dreams?" Joseph asked with concern and Clarisse nodded.

"I woke up a couple of minutes ago, and I know there's no way I'll be getting any more sleep tonight, so I thought I'd just go for a stroll in the garden and try to clear my head."

"That's a good idea. I'll go with you."

"Oh no, you don't have to do that, Joseph. I'll be fine. You just go and finish your coffee."

"Well, I'll bring my coffee with me."

"I know you like to keep an eye on me as much as you can, and I appreciate that, but you don't have to babysit me around the clock, you know. I'll be perfectly safe in the palace garden for a few minutes."

"I'm not asking to accompany you as your Royal Head of Security, Clarisse, but as your fiancé. You know the opportunities we have to catch a little time alone together, not as our positions but as ourselves, are rare."

Clarisse knowingly smiled and responded, "You're right. Well in that case, I'd love for you to come along."

"After you," Joseph said kindly, and as was expected in royal etiquette, he remained just behind Clarisse, although he couldn't resist the urge to place a protective hand in the middle of her back as he often did while they walked through the palace to the outside.

Once they were more out of the view of all the other palace guards, Clarisse set the queen aside and Joseph set the royal bodyguard aside and they walked through the garden not as the Queen with her Royal Head of Security, but as Clarisse and Joseph, the woman and the man who were in love with each other and engaged to be married. Joseph wrapped his arm around Clarisse's shoulders and held her close to him and she wrapped her arm around his waist, and as they walked together, they thoroughly enjoyed this rare moment of simple closeness they were able to share. It felt breathtakingly good to be able to leave their positions behind for a little while and just be people.

They walked through the garden together for a little while in pure silence, until they eventually made their way to the gazebo where Joseph had proposed to Clarisse in the other timeline of their future God had shown her.

"You couldn't sleep either, huh?" Clarisse asked, finally breaking the silence, after Joseph had sat his coffee mug down on the ground and they had sat down beside each other.

Joseph shook his head and answered, "It's just a little insomnia, sweetheart. Nothing to worry about. It happens to us all every now and then. I'm more concerned about you."

Now it was Clarisse who shook her head, and then she told Joseph, "I just had a couple of unsettling dreams, that's all."

"Clarisse, you looked more than just a little unsettled when I saw you. I can tell that those dreams really upset you."

Clarisse smiled to herself then, knowing better than to try to hide the truth from the man who could always see right through her, and she quietly admitted, "Yes, they did."

Joseph put his hand on top of Clarisse's and interlaced his fingers through hers in that moment, and then he looked into her eyes and gently asked, "Did you dream about Philippe?"

"No," Clarisse replied. "I actually dreamt about Mia. In all the dreams I had last night, I remembered quite vividly the experiences I had when God allowed my mind to connect with hers during my vision. I remembered everything she had gone through, not from _my_ perspective, but from _hers_. Perhaps what was most painful of all was the last dream I had, where I remembered what it was like when I _literally_ experienced _her_ feelings of hurt and anger towards me for myself. When the Lord opened my mind up to Mia's for the first time during my vision, I experienced it for myself just how everything would make _her_ feel, which was something I never really thought about before the way I should have. I experienced how it felt to have this grandmother, who'd never _once_ done anything to show she cared, just burst on the scene and start trying to change my entire life in order to suit her own personal agenda, without even once apologizing for never being there and letting me know that I meant anything to her at all. Oh Joseph, it was awful."

"I know what I'm about to say may sound strange, but in a way, you truly have been given a great gift. One of the hardest parts about being human is that we're always locked into a single perspective: our own. We can never _truly_ see the world through another person's eyes and understand how _they_ feel and everything _they've_ gone through. Even though it's painful and disturbing, in a lot of ways, you have been _remarkably_ blessed by God to be able to understand Mia's perspective on things the way that you can. One of the most beautiful things about being in a relationship with Christ is that Jesus doesn't just go around telling us what we want to hear. He's never afraid to tell us the truth. Whenever it's necessary, Jesus does let us know about it when we're heading in the wrong direction, and He does so, not to hurt our feelings or make us feel bad, but for our own good. I know how painful that vision was for you. I know how badly it hurt you to learn the truth about everything Mia's been going through her whole life, and I also know how badly you're hurting from losing Philippe. I know you've been through pure hell these past three months. But I know that God didn't give you that vision because He wanted to hurt you in any way or make your pain worse. As much as I know it all hurts right now, the beautiful thing is that this is an incredible opportunity for you to make wiser decisions this time around, both as a grandmother and as a ruler, so that you _won't_ have to lose a granddaughter on top of losing a son. It may be hard to see it this way now, but Clarisse, this is actually a second chance that most people can only dream of."

Clarisse squeezed Joseph's hand and nodded as she fought off tears, and then she agreed, "I know you're right, Joseph. You're right about everything you just said. I know what a remarkable opportunity this is, and I'm not about to waste it. I'm going to get it right this time. I have to."

"My dear, please, stop being so hard on yourself. The Lord didn't give you that prophetic vision because He wanted to beat up on you for your mistakes. All your life, you've always expected constant perfection of yourself, and even though I know you never meant for it to, that way of thinking spilled over into your relationships with your children and your grandchild. You never meant to be unfair to Mia and expect constant perfection from her, but that happened because you've always expected it from yourself. I think that one of the most important changes you can make right here, right now, is to decide once and for all that you're going to allow yourself to be human so that you can allow your granddaughter to be human; that you're going to start being fair to yourself so that you can help Mia to be fair to herself as well. You don't have to be perfect twenty-four-seven, Clarisse. You _cannot_ be perfect twenty-four-seven. _No one can._ It is true that in the vision, you made some pretty big mistakes, but it was only because you'd been through so much yourself that you immersed yourself in your duties as Queen so you could forget your pain, which is completely understandable."

"Yes, perhaps it is, but still, I never had to be so hard on Mia, or so cold to her in the beginning. I knew perfectly well that I wasn't the only one who had suffered because of Philippe's death. I knew perfectly well that that girl had gone through the pain of growing up without a father. _The very least_ I could have done was let her know that I cared about her. But no, right from the very beginning, it was always all about what _she_ could do for _me_ and what _I_ hoped to get out of _her._ It was about her being the princess that I wanted. It wasn't about me being any kind of a grandma to her or doing anything at all to help her with _her_ pain and inner-struggles."

"You're right. It was far more about you getting what you wanted out of Mia than it was about trying to establish a real relationship with her and letting her know that you cared about her, and that was wrong. But please, try to be a little fairer to yourself. When you came back into Mia's life before, you knew you had the fate of the entire country of Genovia resting on your shoulders. It wasn't right that you made Mia feel like she was nothing more than a pawn to be used in your own political agenda, but at the end of the day, it is understandable that you would put a lot of pressure on her to accept her title. A whole lot was _and is_ riding on her decision. It wasn't right that you hurt her, but you really were doing the best you possibly could under the worst possible circumstances. Now that you have more information, you can make better choices this time around. And one of those better choices is for you to choose to allow yourself to be human and forgive yourself when you make mistakes rather than expecting yourself to always be perfect."

"Thank you, my dear, sweet Joseph. I know it in my head how right you are. It's just a little harder to get the message through to my heart sometimes. I'll try," said Clarisse, and Joseph responded by bringing the hand he was holding up to his lips and kissing it, which really made her smile.

Clarisse then got up and took a couple of steps forward. "Anyway," she continued, "I can't shake this feeling in my gut that those dreams are another kind of warning. In my vision, I learned that Mia sometimes struggled with suicidal depression during her teenage years and that she was still secretly battling it when I first came back into her life. I know that you said that I should let Mia be the one to decide what she was ready for and when she was ready for it in terms of our relationship, but I can't get over this feeling that I need to call her and make one more attempt at contact. I know how hurt and angry she feels and I know perfectly well that she has every right to feel that way. I just want to let her know how deeply I care about her and value her. I want to try to ease at least some of her pain, if I possibly can. I want her to know that even though I wasn't there for her in the past the way I should have been, I'm here for her now."

Joseph rose in that moment and walked over to Clarisse, and then he put his hands on her shoulders and told her, "If that's what you feel you need to do, then you have my support. If there's any one thing I've learned in my line of work over the years, it's to never, ever ignore that God-given little voice inside your gut. If your gut's telling you to try again to make contact with your granddaughter, then please, by all means, listen to it."

"I will," Clarisse responded.

A couple of seconds later, knowing that the boys in the security hub had seen him walk outside with the Queen and feeling confident that they were allowing him a little privacy with her, Joseph turned Clarisse around and put his arms around her and held her in his embrace for the longest time. Unbeknownst to either the Queen or her Royal Head of Security at the moment, someone was standing around outside in the garden, unnoticed, keenly observing their every move. While any other normal person would have been touched by the display of love shown between this couple who had to fight so hard for just a few minutes alone where they could be themselves, and would have left the garden so they could have that rare privacy that they needed, this person stayed put and watched even more closely, observing for weaknesses he could exploit. As Joseph tenderly kissed the top of Clarisse's head and continued to hold her close, the royal bodyguard had no idea that his coveted alone time with his fiancée the Queen was being infringed upon by a person who had every intention of doing them harm, not right away, but much later in the future.

Clarisse and Joseph stayed together like that for about twenty more minutes, and then slipping back into their roles, the Royal Head of Security walked the Queen back into the palace so that they could get ready to start the day. They both went about all their duties as usual throughout that day, and then before Clarisse turned in for the night at nine-thirty that evening, she set her alarm clock for an un-Godly hour so that she could get a cup of coffee, shower, and wake herself up enough the next morning to have a conversation with her former daughter-in-law or possibly with her granddaughter. Clarisse knew that Genovia was nine hours ahead of San Francisco, and she knew both Helen's and Mia's schedules well. In her last conversation with Helen, they had talked about when would be the best time for them to call each other and talk about things, especially where Mia was concerned. Helen had said that evenings were the best time, particularly between seven and ten, which translated to between four and seven in the morning Genovia time. Clarisse also conceded that while it would be annoying to have to get up so early in the morning, it was also really the best time for her as well, obviously because of her own remarkably busy schedule as Queen.

So after having a cup of coffee and a good shower, Clarisse was dressed, awake, and alert by the time she called the Thermopolis residence at a quarter 'til five Genovia time, which was a quarter 'til eight in the evening in San Francisco. To say the least, Clarisse was plenty nervous about making the call because she knew there was a fifty-fifty chance that Mia would answer and not Helen. She was already painfully aware of how hurt and angry Mia felt towards her, so she knew that if Mia was the one to answer the phone and not her mother, she would probably be in for a very painful encounter.

What was even more painful, though, was the fact that Clarisse knew perfectly well that if that did happen, she would have brought a lot of it on herself for all of her own previous snobbery against Mia and against Helen. While Helen was the one who'd always made it clear that she didn't want to live the life of a Genovian royal, and while she was the one who had asked Philippe and his parents to keep their distance from Mia as she was growing up in order to give her a normal childhood away from the press, Clarisse's own snobbery had also played a big part in it. Clarisse couldn't deny the fact that all throughout Helen's marriage to Philippe, she had never given Helen a fair shot and had always jumped to unfair conclusions about her; nor could she deny it that all while they'd been married, she had constantly tried to convince Philippe to divorce her. And finally, she also couldn't deny the painful fact that while she agreed with Helen's desire to protect Mia from the media, that wasn't the only reason why she and her late husband, King Rupert, had agreed to not contact her all these years. She'd also agreed to keep her distance from her only grandchild because a small part of her way deep down really had looked down on her since she was the daughter of an American commoner. Even though Helen had been largely responsible for the fact that Mia had grown up without her father and grandparents, it was indisputable that Clarisse and Rupert had played their part in it as well. All of the tremendous pain that decision had unfairly put that young girl through was in fact just as much Clarisse's and Rupert's fault as it was Helen's and Philippe's, and that was something that Clarisse was now acutely aware of. As badly as she was already hurting because of Philippe's untimely death, she knew she honestly couldn't blame her granddaughter now if she picked up the phone and really let her have it with both barrels.

Clarisse now sat at her desk, nervously tapping it with the tips of her fingers as she waited. Her heart rate sped up as the phone rang the first time. Then it rang again. Then at last, after the third ring, a voice answered, and Clarisse had to fight to catch her breath the instant she heard it. She had only heard that voice before in her previous vision, but now, she was hearing it with her own ears. It was a voice she had truly loved and delighted in during the other timeline. And even though she'd never actually heard it with her own ears until now, through the experiences of her vision, it was a voice she had missed terribly. Even though Clarisse was prepared inside to hear Mia's anger towards her now, her heart couldn't help but also feel great joy at hearing that dear voice.

"Hello?" Mia said on the other end of the line, as Clarisse took a deep breath and wiped a couple of stray tears from her eyes. "Hello?"

Clarisse then cleared her throat and said, "Yes. Hello. Is this Mia?"

"Yes, it is. Who's calling?"

After a long pause, Clarisse finally answered, "My dear…this is Clarisse Renaldi."

"You mean… _the_ Clarisse Renaldi in Genovia? The Clarisse Renaldi who's Philippe Renaldi's mother and my grandmother? The Clarisse Renaldi who wrote me that letter?"

"Yes. Precisely."

"Oh," Mia said softly, and then not knowing what to say next, she simply remained silent for the next several moments, and those moments were certainly awkward for both of them.

"I…I'm sorry. I realize this must be a bit strange for you," Clarisse said nervously.

"Um…yeah, you could say that," Mia said with a nervous laugh.

"Perhaps I should also apologize for contacting you. I realize that in my letter, I assured you that I would allow you to respond to me in your own way and in your own time. It's just that…well, since your father's passing, I've been concerned about you. I may have lost a son, but I also know that you lost a father you never got a chance to know."

"Yeah, that's true," Mia sighed, and then once again, things went silent for many long moments.

The tension between them now was so thick, a person could cut it with a knife. Mia had been so hurt for so long by her father and her grandparents choosing to never be there, and she was sick and tired of living with the agonizing pain of their rejection. She was sick and tired of the way her mother and the rest of the world seemed to act as if she still owed Clarisse Renaldi something after all she had put her through, but never _once_ seemed to think about what Clarisse had owed to Mia as a grandmother. She was sick and tired of being treated with so little respect, just because she was young. She had read Clarisse's loving letter to her. She knew that Clarisse Renaldi did _seem_ to be truly sorry for what she had done, and she knew she had just lost a child. She knew that her grandmother was in a lot of pain, and she didn't want to be cruel. But the fact was, Mia had almost sixteen years of pent-up pain and anger, and it was hard to keep those feelings at bay now. She didn't want to be mean, but at the same time, she really wanted to let her grandmother know that it was _not_ okay that she'd forgotten about her and cast her aside for over fifteen years.

"Mia, please say something," Clarisse quietly pleaded.

"What do you _want_ me to say? What do you expect from me?" Mia asked, trying to sound as calm as possible, but Clarisse could hear the anger in Mia's questions that she was trying to suppress.

"I don't _expect_ anything from you. What I _want_ is to be there for you if I can."

"Why now?" Mia asked quietly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I mean, why did you suddenly decide to start caring about what happens to me now? You never cared before." Mia's words were quiet and calm. She wasn't yelling at Clarisse or raising her voice to her, but the words were still an arrow to Clarisse's heart. What hurt Clarisse's heart even _worse_ than Mia's words, though, was the knowledge that it was _her own actions and decisions_ in the past that had given Mia more than enough reason to believe that she'd never cared about her.

After another long, painful pause, Clarisse finally responded, "I realize how rejected we've made you feel all your life. I realize that when your father, your grandfather, and I decided not to contact you until you were eighteen, we caused you a tremendous amount of pain. I'm not going to try to excuse that away or sweep it under the rug, and I'm certainly not going to act as though you have to do that." _Like I did in my vision_ , Clarisse thought to herself. "I completely understand why you're so angry at me, and I understand that I really have brought a lot of it on myself. I've made some terrible decisions. Your father, your Grandfather Rupert, and I _all_ made terrible decisions. But I do want you to know that even though it _seems_ like I never cared, I did. There were, and are, some extremely complicated things going on that I can't go into details about right now, but I will tell you that at the time, we all made that decision because we believed it was the best thing for you."

"How could never knowing my own father and grandparents _possibly_ be a good thing for me?"

"My dear, when the right time comes, _I promise you_ that I will explain everything. But right now, it really is better if we put that aside and just focus on getting to know each other for a while. In the meantime, I must ask you to trust me and believe me when I tell you that we honestly did believe we were doing what was in your best interests when we decided not to be in contact with you all these years. I know I haven't earned your trust yet, but I'm asking for it anyway. It's the only way you and I can move forward."

After yet another long silence – and after Mia wiped some tears of her own – she responded in the smallest voice, "Okay."

"Okay," Clarisse said in a clearly relieved tone of voice as Mia continued wiping her tears. Although she'd been hurt and angry for a long time, actually _hearing_ her grandmother acknowledge all the pain she and her grandfather and her father had put her through and apologize for it with her own voice really got to her heart. Clarisse was treating Mia with great respect here, and Mia knew that, and underneath all her years of hurt and anger, she _did_ appreciate it.

A couple of moments later, Clarisse said, "Your mother's told me all about you."

"She has?"

"Oh, yes. She's told me all about your job after school. She's told me all about your best friend Lilly and her brother Michael. She's told me how much you love rock climbing and horseback riding."

"Did she tell you what a klutz I was?"

"No, she never mentioned that. But if I were a betting person, I'd bet that you only have moments of clumsiness because you're shy and you get a little scared when you're around people you don't know."

"Yeah, you're right. I do. And believe me, it's murder on you if you're shy and awkward like me and trying to survive your high school years," Mia admitted as she rolled her eyes. "If you're a beautiful, graceful, sexy cheerleader like Lana Thomas, you get accepted. If you're a frizzy-haired klutz like me, you get treated like dirt, if the other people around you even acknowledge the fact that you exist at all."

"Sometimes people in this world can be both stupid and cruel. Believe me. I know. I know it can be hard to believe in yourself when you feel like so many others are constantly trying to beat you down and tell you that you don't have any value. I know your father, your grandfather, and I haven't exactly helped you in that respect by being absent all these years. But please hear me when I tell you that you have _so_ much more value than you realize right now. Your life makes and will continue to make a bigger difference than you know. I know I haven't been here before now and I haven't shown it before now, but I want you to know that you mean _so_ much to me, Mia. And I want you to tell you that you meant much more to your father than you'll ever really know. You are a sweet, caring young lady and believe me, this world needs as many sweet and caring people as it can get its hands on. The good Lord knew what He was doing when He put you here. We need you."

"This is the first conversation you've ever had with me. What makes you so sure that I'm so sweet and caring and that I have any kind of impact on other people's lives at all? For all you know, I could be a drug dealer or a bank robber."

"Mm-hmm," Clarisse said with a little bit of sarcasm as she laughed inside at her granddaughter's wackiness. Despite everything the girl was going through, she could still be funny and silly at times and crack a little joke, and Clarisse really admired that in her. "Well most drug dealers and bank robbers don't spend so much of their time helping their best friends get petitions signed to help make their schools more environmentally friendly. Your mother's kept me informed about how you're always there for Lilly to help her with all her special projects."

"Lilly's the one with the brains. She's the one who's got this calling in her life to be some kind of superhero. I'm just the sidekick. I just get the paperwork done. She's the one who comes up with all the ideas. She's the one with the vision and the drive to get things done. I just help a little along the way."

"Listen, having the vision to get something done is one thing. _Actually helping to do it_ is another. If Lilly didn't have you there to help her, she wouldn't be near the 'superhero' she always tries to be. Don't underestimate yourself or your contribution. I know you've been in a lot of pain for a long time, but despite all you've gone through and continue to go through on a daily basis, you still help Lilly to try and make a difference in your corner of the world. That says a great deal to me about your character. That really says something about you and how big your heart is. Don't sell yourself short."

"Wow. I…I don't know what to say. You've given me some things to think about."

"I truly hope I've helped."

"Yeah. Yeah, you have."

"Good. I'm glad. Look, your mother has my number. Please call me if you need me. I know we don't know each other very well yet, but I'm here for you, Mia. I really am."

"Thank you. I know I've been mad at you and everything, but still…I'm really glad you called."

"So am I, my dear. So am I."

"I have to get started on my homework now, so I guess I'll say goodbye."

"Goodbye, Mia. I hope we'll talk again soon."

"Yeah. Sure. I'll call you again sometime."

"That would be lovely. I'll be looking forward to hearing from you."

"Talk to you soon."

"Goodbye," Clarisse said, and then they both hung up the phone.

Afterwards, Clarisse took in a deep breath and let out a long sigh of relief. It hadn't exactly been easy for her, but she'd gotten through it, and she was glad she did what she did. She knew Mia was going through so much more than she was able to talk about over the telephone with someone she barely knew, and she had sensed it that it really was the right thing to do for her to reach out to Mia once again. Despite all her anger, Mia truly had needed to know that she was cared about and that she mattered in people's lives.

A couple of minutes later, to Clarisse's surprise, her phone rang once again.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hey, Grandma?" Mia's voice said on the other end, which really warmed Clarisse's heart. It really meant a lot to her to know that Mia now accepted her enough to start calling her "Grandma."

"Yes. Yes, I'm here."

"I was just wondering something. My birthday's in a couple of weeks."

"Yes, I know that."

"Mom's having a barbeque. It's just a really small party. Lilly and Michael and their parents are coming. I realize it's a long way away from where you are. It's a whole other country. Heck, it's a whole other continent. But, still, would you like to come?"

"Oh, absolutely. I'd be delighted to come."

"Cool. We get out of school on the fourteenth of June, and as you know, my birthday's on the fifteenth, so Mom's throwing this party celebrating my birthday, getting out of school, and the beginning of summer. And, oh yeah, Michael's invited his band to come too, so we'll have a band here at the house playing music for the party. Even though it's a really small one."

"I can't wait."

"And you can meet my cat, Fat Louie. Do you have any cats?"

"No, I don't. I have a poodle, though. A beautiful white poodle named Maurice."

"Cool. Fat Louie is a black and white tuxedo cat. You'll like him."

"I'm sure I will."

"See you then Grandma."

"I'll be there."

"Goodbye."

"Goodbye," Clarisse said and then once again, she hung up the phone.

Meanwhile, back in San Francisco, the rest of the evening went by as usual for Mia. Her mother had gone out to the store a little while before Clarisse called, and it wasn't long before she returned. After she got back, Mia got started on her homework like she told Clarisse she would, and then after talking to Lilly on the phone a good long while, she turned in for the night.

The next day after school, just before Mia and Lilly left for home on their scooters, the girls got into a little discussion. As they were getting on them, Mia reached around and pulled the bottle of pills, her "escape hatch," out of her backpack. Lilly knew perfectly well what those pills were, and her heart rate skyrocketed. Then much to her surprise, Mia suddenly tossed the bottle to her.

After Lilly caught the bottle, she asked, "Mia, what's going on?"

"Something weird happened last night. My grandma, my father's mother who lives in Genovia, just called me up out of the blue last night. We got to talking for a while."

"Yeah?"

"Lilly, you know I'm still going through some stuff, but that phone call...well, it's a long story, but that phone call really changed a lot. I won't get into everything we talked about, but let's just say that I've realized I can't do it. At least not now. Just…just put those away somewhere for me for a while."

Stunned – but eternally grateful for her best friend's sudden turnaround – Lilly simply responded, "Okay." And then they took off.

The truth was, while that one conversation with her grandma certainly didn't make all of her problems disappear overnight, it _had_ gone a long way in healing some of the damage that had been done. It had really helped her heart to hear her grandmother say that at the time, they'd all decided to stay out of her life because they had believed – for whatever inconceivable reason – that it was in her best interests for them to do so and not because they'd never cared anything about her. Clarisse also made her start to think that maybe her presence in other people's lives and the contributions she made weren't so insignificant after all. She was still hurting and when it came to healing, she still had a long way to go, but her conversation with her grandmother the night before had been a real turning point for both of them, whether she was fully aware of that yet or not. And on top of that, now that Mia knew how much she really _did_ seem to matter to her grandmother, she knew that she couldn't go through with it. Not after she had already just lost a child. She couldn't make Clarisse go through the pain of losing a granddaughter too, now that Mia knew she really did matter to her.

Once Lilly got home, she immediately rushed into her bathroom, took out the bottle of pills, dumped them in the toilet, and flushed it. Then she threw the empty bottle into the waste basket, and cried quiet tears of relief.


End file.
